Day Two: They All Do It the Same

(I know this is my second post today, but I officially started yesterday.)

Day Two: Your Least Favorite Song.

Dave Matthews Band – “Ants Marching”:

As a former Nirvana aficionado, it is my civic duty to abhor Pearl Jam, especially because Eddie Vedder’s signature incomprehensible bellow has been paved the way for countless, pussified, post-grunge others, most notably that asshole from Creed.  The late 90s/early 2000s also brought us Nickelback, Audioslave, and others that I have (thankfully) repressed.  But even these, though they are terrible, are no match for the master.

I’m from Colorado, which means that my alternative radio station is populated by those adorable acoustic guitar bro-magnets like Jack Johnson.  And while the song “Bubbly Toes” makes me want to club baby seals, Jack Johnson, Jason Mraz, Maroon 5, and John Mayer are mere demi-gods in the Adult Contemporary Pantheon.  Their supreme ruler, their Zeus, their Jupiter, their Shiva, Yahweh, or whoever, seems to me to be Dave Matthews.  Using the saxophone of smooth jazz with the faux-folksy appeal of the contemporary jam band, and that whiny contemporary male rock voice singing about being unique when he is the very model of the adult contemporary cliché (not to mention kind of derivative of Eddie Vedder), Dave Matthews Band’s still-overplayed tepid hit always hits that special nerve.

I just…ugh.


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